The Dangers of Victory Naps
by Randomboulder
Summary: Taichi wakes up to find Chihaya lying next to him after the team competition, but it's not the dream-come-true he might have expected. There are some things even the oblivious Chihaya is bound to notice.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Short story told from alternating perspectives. I love Arata too, but I didn't have inspiration for an Arata story-unfortunately! Hope you fellow Taichi lovers will enjoy.

**Taichi**

Taichi rolled over, waking a little as the overhead light flashed through his closed eyelids. Other sensations came with it. He could feel his uniform wrinkling under him, the pressure of the tatami against his shoulder, the slight breeze in the room. His hand was resting against something soft and silky, laid out over the tatami like a sheet. It was a softness he'd felt before, in stolen moments, when he pretended not to notice.

Chihaya's hair.

It woke him more thoroughly than the light did, and for a breathless moment after he opened his eyes he let himself enjoy the sensation of his fingers resting upon her hair, gentle, almost as weightless as the tendrils of hair themself. These were the times he could lose himself in, times when he suffered the welcome delusion of a different life, one where she woke up and smiled at him. Crawled closer. Whispered-

His throat tightened. No good. He couldn't trust his thoughts, not when he was with her. In the privacy of his room, when she was a world away, he allowed his thoughts to stray. But never when he was with her.

"Chihaya," he said, his voice sounding rough even to his own ears. "Chihaya, you fell asleep somewhere inappropriate again."

She shifted a fraction, and he noticed the bandaged finger on her right hand. His stomach dropped at the sight.

"Chihaya, are you-"

"It's okay," she said in a wakeful voice, causing his heart to race. She hadn't been asleep? She had been lying there next to him on purpose?

It took him a while to swallow an entirely new set of nerves as his sleep-addled brain registered this new Chihaya-behavior. Falling asleep in strange places: normal. Seeking quiet solace at his side-that was a new one.

How badly was she hurt?

"Chihaya…"

"It's okay, Taichi."

Her voice was thick, though, and he knew she was lying. What had the doctors told her? How long would it take to heal? He wanted to ask, but there was something brittle about the Chihaya that lay at his side, something he was afraid to touch lest it break. Would Arata know-

Taichi stopped himself. Arata wasn't here. It wasn't Arata's room she had crawled into, not Arata she had lain next to. Sure, she couldn't have found Arata even if she had tried, but that didn't change anything.

He hoped it didn't, anyway.

Before he had time to overthink it, he reached out to her, his hand moving uncertainly to rest against her shoulder. He felt the warmth of her skin through the thin cotton of her uniform, and he tried to tell himself it was okay. This was friendship, not love. He wasn't overstepping.

But then Chihaya moved, and all justifications vanished from his mind. She had curled up around his hand, nestling her face against it. He held his breath, wondering whether she was trying to give him a heart attack.

_You're making this something it's not_, he told himself sternly, but then she sat up and scooted closer, coming to lie next to him. She rolled him onto his back and cuddled in against his side so there was no choice but to put his arm around her and let her rest her head against his chest.

His chest. Where his heart was racing a mile a minute.

_Shit shit shit shit shit_. She was bound to notice. Even if he could control other parts of his anatomy-and it was a good day when he could, with her around-he couldn't slow his own pulse with strength of will. He held her stiffly, waiting for the lightning bolt to strike. He was painfully aware of her arm stretched out over him, her soft hair against his bare arm, the slight press of her breast against his ribs.

"We won, Taichi," she said. He looked down. Her eyes were open, staring out across the room. He thought she might be smiling, though that didn't make any sense with her finger injured the way it was.

"We did," he said.

"It was amazing, wasn't it?" There was definitely a smile in her voice.

He looked up at the ceiling, remembering the last match. He didn't often feel pride at his accomplishments. They were just stepping stones to other, more important things: medical school, a career, the kind of income his parents expected him to make. Even karuta was like that most of the time, though unlike his studies he wasn't quite sure what the goal of it was. Being Arata's equal? Making Chihaya notice him?

But today's match had been different. It hadn't mattered what the future might be like so long as his card got called, and it had allowed him to live-briefly-in a moment when he was Mizusawa's karuta club president, the others' valued teammate, and nothing else. Perhaps it was for rare moments like that that he played karuta, and not for Chihaya at all.

"It was," he said at last, and glanced down to see her smiling up at him. It set his heart racing again. Why was she talking about today's matches? Wasn't she seeking comfort because of her injury? He noticed again the softness of her hair, the way she was looking at him, and all the places where their bodies touched. It made it hard to think.

"How is your hand?" he asked quickly, because he was an idiot. He could never let himself enjoy these moments; he always ended up finding ways to snap her out of them.

"They don't know what's wrong with it," she said. She started staring at the opposite wall again. "It's not broken. I need to go to a bigger hospital to get it diagnosed."

"Will you play tomorrow?"

"I'm going to try to play with my left hand, I think." The note of vulnerability in her voice forbade him to ask more.

"Oh."

That was it, then. There was nothing more he could say to distract her from his thundering heartbeat, and he knew better than to think his earlier luck would hold. She would notice. Even Chihaya wasn't that oblivious-he just hoped she'd come up with some other dumb excuse besides a crush he'd had for as long as he could remember. Better yet, she could not mention it.

"Taichi?" she said, after a while.

_Shit shit shit_.

"Mm?"

"It's… fast."

_Oh god oh god oh god._

He stared resolutely up at the ceiling, even when he felt her shift slightly to look at him. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. He'd wanted to wait for a good time, when maybe the answer wouldn't be a resounding no. A time when she had space in her heart for something other than karuta.

He said nothing.

"Taichi?"

"What?" he asked, voice clipped. _Say it's nothing_, he begged her silently. Arata had called him a coward once, and he knew it to be true. Even if he wanted to confess now, he didn't think he'd be able to get the words out.

"Your heartbeat. Are you nervous for the tournament tomorrow?"

He breathed sharply. The tournament. What tournament? He was about to die of a heart attack.

"It's nothing," he said.

She frowned, an unusual, measuring look on her face. She sat up, her injured hand placed over his heart. Her long hair tickled his neck as she leaned over him, her face coming close to his.

"Taichi?" she said, close to his ear.

_It's nothing_, he thought at her. Maybe the others would come in and save him, though he wouldn't put it past Kanade to lock them out. It probably looked like she was kissing him.

What she _was_ doing was a mystery, even to him. Taking his pulse?

He braced himself to speak. He could-no, he _would_ say something, and this interminable moment would end.

"Shouldn't you go to the girls' room?" he asked with some difficulty. "You need to rest up."

She shot up. "Mm. Yeah." Her face was red, her eyes wide. She looked astonished.

He almost called her back when she reached the door, but the moment passed, and she slid the door open. "Good night, Taichi."

"Good night, Chihaya."

The door slid closed, and he stifled a groan with his arm.

How much had she figured out?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chihaya**

Chihaya could feel her face burning as she marched to the girls' room, her long strides bringing her to the door before she was quite ready to face the others. When she opened the door, though, there was no one inside, and she allowed herself a small sigh of relief before throwing herself down on a futon and hiding her face in her arms.

What had just happened?

Taichi was Taichi. He was smarter than her, more popular than her, and more driven in every endeavor but karuta. He had had girlfriends before, unknown girls who called him Ta-kun, and whenever he looked at Chihaya it was with that half-resentful, sidelong look, as if he was permanently exasperated with her.

He treated her like a boy, too. He still saw her as the short-haired, tomboyish girl she'd been in elementary school.

Didn't he? He had always teased her back then, calling her ugly, shoving her in the hallways, saying how different she was from her beautiful sister. While he didn't call her ugly anymore, everything else was still much the same. They'd gotten into a kicking match on the way back from Fukui, for God's sake. She knew she wasn't the smartest person in the world, but she really didn't think kicking matches were an indicator of romantic interest. There were flowers, and phone calls, surely?

Weren't there?

The door slid open, and Kanade appeared as if in answer to Chihaya's questions, Sumire behind her. Both girls were dressed as if they had just come in from the hotel baths, their hair wet. Chihaya sat up, aware of the blush across her cheekbones.

"Kana-chan," she said, her voice a little strange. "Does Taichi like me?"

The two girls jumped, looking almost guilty. Kanade grasped the sleeves of her green yukata as if to steady herself.

"D-did he confess?" she asked, looking a little shaken.

Chihaya shook her head wordlessly. She couldn't tell the other girls how she had lain next to him, how she had felt his heartbeat quicken when she leaned in close. It seemed unfair to Taichi, somehow.

Kanade looked a bit relieved. "Well, of course he likes you. You two are old friends, aren't you?"

Sumire nodded acquiescence, looking anywhere but at Chihaya.

"We are," Chihaya said, leaving it at that. She slid under the covers, staring up at the ceiling as the other girls got ready for bed. Chihaya was still in her uniform, but she felt paralyzed, her thoughts moving again and again to Taichi's racing heartbeat, then backtracking to analyze every moment they'd spent together since the start of school.

She liked Taichi. She liked walking next to him, playing karuta with him, feeling the familiar warmth of his body against hers when they sat together on the train. She even liked fighting with him in the rare moments when he let himself act like the kid he'd been back in elementary school. But did she _like_ him, like that? There had been moments, strange ones, when their eyes met and she felt something unusual. She'd never thought of that feeling as possible liking before, though.

"Do you like Mashima-senpai?" Kanade asked suddenly, echoing Chihaya's thoughts. Kanade's voice was carefully neutral.

Chihaya stumbled for words. "He's my friend," she said after a long series of panicked ums. The sheet was pulled up over her face, and if they talked for any longer she'd hide herself completely.

"You're acting strange," Sumire said. "Did something happen?"

Again, Chihaya shook her head. Nothing. Taichi had said so himself, right?

They let the subject drop. Kanade started telling her about the baths, about running into the boys in the hallway. Chihaya's thoughts were still spinning with Taichi's non-confession, but she tried to listen. Eventually, she even managed to get ready for bed. They talked for a little while longer once they were all tucked in, rehashing the last team match before dropping off to sleep. The other girls went long before Chihaya did.

That night, for one of the very first times in her life, she had trouble sleeping.

x x x

Karuta took up all Chihaya's thoughts the next day as she battled it out with her left hand. Even when she was booted from the competition after losing to the queen, her thoughts stayed firmly on the game. She watched Taichi win the class B tournament, then she watched Arata best the girl who had won from her two times already. There was no time to worry about romantic entanglements; the only emotions running high were karuta emotions.

Karuta emotions were safe, familiar. She was glad to sink back into them.

Still, it was a momentary reprieve. At the end of the day, they all piled into the train, exhausted, and Chihaya knew the distractions would soon be over. She put off the inevitable by sleeping the entire way back to Tokyo.

It was near midnight by the time Taichi and Chihaya said goodbye to the others at the station. They stepped into the train home together without saying a word. It wasn't until they left the station and started walking to their houses that Chihaya stopped Taichi on the road, her voice tentative.

"Taichi. I want to talk."

Up ahead, Taichi stopped dead. His shoulders were high as he turned, his face determinedly casual. "What about?

"Um, yesterday…"

Taichi waited, his hands hanging limp at his sides. He looked stiff and pale under the streetlight, while Chihaya herself was burning up trying to find words. Eventually, she threw tact out the window. She clenched her fists and met his blank stare.

"Do you-do you like me?" she managed, the words sounding like an accusation. Even the cicadas seemed to quiet in shock for a moment.

He jerked away. "What?!"

"You heard me."

Her face had to be as red as the Tatsuta river in the poem, and not nearly as pretty a sight. Taichi was looking at her with wide eyes, panicked, but then his arms folded, and he took up his usual defensive glare.

"What if I did?" he said, looking away. She felt as if she saw two Taichi's: one, the high school boy she knew now, and the other, the elementary school boy she had known. Both of them seemed to be glaring off into the distance, an inch from pouting. It was a strangely familiar sight.

She threw up her hands. "It wouldn't make sense!"

He looked at her in confusion, temporarily blindsided. "What?"

"You think I'm stupid."

"I don't think you're stupid."

"I _am_ stupid, compared to you and Desktomu-kun. I don't study, and I fall asleep everywhere, and the only thing I ever think about is karuta."

Taichi still looked confused, helplessly so. "I know."

"Yes. You do. So…" She flapped her hands, wishing they might get her meaning across where words failed. "So, it wouldn't make sense."

"You're Chihaya," he said, as if that explained it.

"Yes, Chihaya! Not Chitose!"

Her pulse was thundering, and she wasn't quite sure what she wanted him to say.

"Why would I like _Chitose_?" he asked in a voice of complete bewilderment.

She decided to ride this train wreck to the end of the tracks. "You always said she was pretty, and that I wasn't like her." She didn't add the other comment: _you said that I was ugly. _She knew what people called her now-beauty in vain-but could Taichi really be so shallow, to like her now because she was prettier? She didn't want to believe it.

"I only said that to tease you. You knew that."

"Yes, but-"

"Let's just drop it, okay?"

Chihaya shook her head.


	3. Chapter 3

**Taichi**

Taichi watched in bafflement as Chihaya shook her head, her eyes fierce. "No. I want to understand."

So that was why she was doing this. He'd thought it odd, that she would try to wring a confession from him. She wasn't cruel; she wouldn't savor the experience of rejecting him. In all honesty, she seemed… offended. Because he used to call her ugly?

"I never wanted you to change," he said at last, unable to bear her accusing gaze for any longer. His voice was low. He looked around at the surrounding houses, hoping no one was able to watch him make a fool of himself, hoping the insect noise drowned out his voice. "I liked you the way you were."

"How do you mean?"

He squeezed his eyes shut for a second before opening them again, feeling like a condemned man regarding the blade that was to be his undoing. "Can't you guess? Do you really want me to spell it out?"

"You said it wasn't fun, to be with the person you like. So-what? You saw me again, and I was prettier, and now it's not fun for you anymore?"

He fought the urge to bash his head against the nearest streetlight. "It's not _not fun_," he said. "It's just-wait. You thought I started liking you in high school?"

"Isn't that what you said? You didn't want me to change?"

"No! I mean-well, I guess-it's stupid." This whole situation was stupid. He should have avoided her touch last night, but when Chihaya showed him even the barest affection, his first instinct was to drink it in.

Stupid first instinct.

"So explain it to me." Her voice was pleading, and he realized she wasn't angry, exactly. She was confused. He'd always thought Chihaya's world would be turned upside down if she ever looked away from karuta long enough to see the things around her. Apparently, he'd been right. This is what she looked like when her world had changed: posture unsure, eyes large, face pale. She looked very alone standing beneath the yellow street light, and he suppressed the absurd urge to embrace her.

"It's simple," he said, his voice brusque. This was happening. It was really happening, without forethought or any real timing. "I've always liked you. Even when I said you were ugly. That's why I got so jealous when Arata noticed you too."

Her eyes widened. "But Arata didn't-"

"I know, I know. We were children. I didn't really know how I felt. All I did was react to it."

"That's why you were so mean to Arata, to start with?"

Taichi nodded. "I was scared you'd stop being friends with me."

Against all expectations, she laughed. "So you stopped talking to me because you were afraid I'd stop being friends with you."

He blushed, unsure why hearing about his childish actions still had the power to make him feel embarrassed. "I _threatened_ to stop talking to you. I was never going to go through with it. You were supposed to come running back."

Chihaya looked up at him in amazement, her eyes still narrowed with mirth. "You're weird, Taichi."

He rubbed the back of his neck, looking away. "Yeah, well. So. Is that enough? Are you satisfied?"

Her face sobered. He braced himself for rejection, but none came. Chihaya took a step forward, touching his arm lightly.

"Is it really-bad? When you're with me?"

His words from the Fukui trip were obviously still bothering her.

"Would I have joined the karuta club if it was so not fun to be with you? Of course not."

She looked unsure. "I bullied you into it. I bullied _everyone_ into it, first year. But-I think I know what you mean. What you meant." Her dark eyes met his.

"By what?"

"That it's not fun, being with the person you like."

Taichi's heart twisted painfully. Was she talking about Arata?

"It's like some of the older players," she said, looking tentatively up at him. "Harada-sensei, and some of the others. They love karuta, obviously, but sometimes… it's like they're afraid. Because maybe karuta won't take them anywhere, and where they're at now is where they'll be for the rest of their lives. They might never make Meijin, or Queen, and maybe they'll be bitter about spending so much time on it after. It's scary."

Taichi blinked. At any other time, he would have laughed at her ability to turn everything back to karuta, but this time he was surprised at her insight. He hadn't been lying when he said he thought she wasn't stupid, but he was very aware that she lived her life by instinct. The first thing to turn her head was often the thing she put her heart and soul into, to a degree others considered excessive. First it had been her sister, then it had been karuta. It made her seem… not stupid, exactly, but single-minded. It was hard to believe she saw anything else clearly with her eyes so fixed on one objective.

An unsure look crossed her face, and Taichi realized he'd been quiet for too long.

"That's what it's like," he said, trying on a smile. She wasn't heartless. She understood. She had learned of his feelings, and she was still talking to him; that was something.

"I want you to have fun," she said. He nearly groaned. She _was_ single-minded. Couldn't she just let it go?

"I do have fun."

She shook her head. "No. I mean. Um." She took a step closer, so there was only a foot between them. Her hand touched him again, her fingers whisper-soft against his arm, raising goose bumps. "I haven't thought about things. Well, I did last night, but not before then. But I think-maybe-"

She fell silent, leaving him hanging uncertainly on her words. "What is it?" he asked, trying to keep his voice gentle.

"I've never had a boyfriend before," she said. It sounded like a warning. "I don't know anything. And I'd probably be the densest girlfriend anyone ever had."

He huffed a laugh. "You're the densest person in school already. What's one more category to be densest in?"

The joke didn't quite settle his nerves. He teetered on the edge of hope, doing battle with himself.

_Don't let her say she'll try for your sake_, he told himself, cautious, but somewhere deep inside him another voice was yelling: _kiss her! Just kiss her! This might be your only chance!_

He recognized the second voice as the one that had told him to steal Arata's glasses that day long ago, when he had cemented his fate as a coward. He ignored it resolutely, tempting as it was to listen to it. Chihaya's fingers were still ghosting over his arm, and she was painfully close. For once, though, she wasn't oblivious, and he wasn't sure how he was meant to feel about that. Glad, he supposed, but he didn't want her to stop being herself because of it. He didn't want her to try and like him out of pity.

"Nothing has to change," he said. "You know now, but everything else is still the same. I'm the same person I was yesterday and the day before."

It was a lie, but he thought it was one she needed to hear. She would want her world set right again as soon as possible, and then the uncertain look in her eyes would be replaced by her usual cheer.

"Say it," she said.

"Say it?"

"Your confession. You didn't really make one. Make it."

He looked down at her, his heart pounding. She wasn't cruel. She wasn't cruel. She wasn't cruel, the way that he was.

He cast a brief look up at the sky before speaking.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chihaya**

"Chihaya," he said, his voice soft. "I'm in love with you."

A strange feeling swept through her, the same feeling that had lanced through her the time he stole the last bite of cake on her birthday, when he leaned in close and met her eyes in challenge. She had seen something in his eyes then, something akin to vulnerability, and she saw it again now.

"Why?" she asked, trying not to shiver.

Taichi pouted a little. "You don't decide who to fall in love with."

"So it's against your will?"

He sighed. "No, Chihaya. It's not as simple as that. I liked you because you were fun to be around, and seeing you always made me happy. You never cared about it when people said mean things to you. I guess I admired you for that. From there-I don't know. I just know that when I see you, it's a good day. Even when I don't have fun."

Chihaya wrapped her arms around herself, feeling a little foolish. She was making Taichi pour his heart out to her, forcing him to say nice things for her benefit. It was beyond greedy. She looked up at him, wanting to reward his honesty.

"When I see you, it's a good day, too."

Taichi shook his head, looking sad. "Not in the same way."

Maybe that was true. She couldn't imagine herself being lovey-dovey with Taichi, holding hands when no one was looking and getting together for things like Christmas eve, just the two of them. What would they talk about?

Then she thought about his strange transformation at the tournament, how he had seemed like a different person when she watched him play. There was more to him than the teammate she knew, more to him even than the energetic boy from elementary school who made flashcards to memorize the one hundred poems. Would she find out what that "more" was if she accepted his confession?

Not that he seemed like he even particularly _wanted_ her to accept his confession. Maybe that was the problem; he liked her, but he didn't want her as his girlfriend.

Maybe that was why he had tried so hard to get her to let it go.

"I don't know how I feel yet," she said. Taichi nodded, his face dark. "But-"

She stepped forward. She could feel Taichi's body heat from here, and hear his quick intake of breath. What came next was harder. She put her hands on his waist gingerly and looked up, her body trembling, convinced that he would laugh at her for this.

He wasn't laughing. "Don't joke, Chihaya."

His lips were inches from hers.

"I'm not joking," she said, and waited.

He moved very slowly, so slowly that Chihaya thought he might be waiting for her to let go. But then she felt his hands touch her face, tilting it gently. Still with excruciating slowness he brought his mouth down to hers, and she was reminded again that he had done this before. The first kiss was chaste, almost like a greeting, but the second…

Chihaya clung to the material of Taichi's shirt as her knees buckled.

His mouth was warm on hers, his lips soft. She made a sound when he sucked on her lower lip, but when he tried to pull back she surged forward, pressing her body against his. His hands slid into her hair in answer, his mouth still making warmth pool inside of her. She thought with a flash of heat of his perfectionism, how Taichi would always hone his skills until they were flawless. The thought of what that might mean in a romantic context made her shiver in the sultry night air.

He pulled back before she was quite ready for it, leaving her standing on wobbly legs. She ducked her head to hide her blush, pretending to be fixing her skirt, but when she looked up at him she saw that it had been unnecessary. Taichi's face was as red as hers.

"Someone will see us," he said.

Chihaya tried to get her brain-which had turned to mush-to form a response, but all she could manage was, "Ah."

He tugged at her hand. "Come on. Let me walk you home."

They started walking, their footsteps loud in the sudden quiet that sprung up between them. It was just as well that Taichi didn't talk, because Chihaya didn't think she could muster up any replies when all she had were questions. She wanted to ask them, but she had the curious impression that the time for questions was over.

_Don't be stupid,_ she told herself. _It's just Taichi. Taichi!_

So why did he seem so distant?

They turned onto the street she lived on, and trepidation ran through her. If they left it at this, what would that mean? Would they go back to normal tomorrow?

Her house appeared before she had thought of an answer. She looked at it with distaste, wishing it were further away. How did other girls do it, all the confusing boyfriend stuff? Were other boys less confusing than Taichi?

Or was she the one making it confusing?

"I accept your confession," she said with sudden force, and was rewarded by the sight of Taichi turning to stare at her like she'd just announced she was actually a three-legged bear. He tried to laugh it off.

"Don't be silly. You don't mean that."

She shook her head. "No, I do. I want to know what it's like."

He passed a hand over his face in exasperation. "You're doing this for my sake."

Was he really going to make it _this_ hard for her? She glared, broadening her stance and putting her hands on her hips. "I am _not_ doing this for your sake! When do I ever do things I don't want, hm? Does that sound like me?"

He covered his mouth with his hand, but it didn't muffle his laughter. She watched his shoulders shake, perplexed. Her brows knit together in a frown, which only made him laugh harder. Eventually, he pulled himself back together.

"F-fierce," he managed to say. She relaxed her stance self-consciously, fighting a smile.

His gaze turned cautious, and he seemed to be searching her face for something. "Do you mean it?"

She nodded, and then a horrible thought occurred to her. She quailed. "But what would we tell the others?"

He snorted. "Kana-chan knows. I think the others do, too. You're the only one-"

"You told them?"

He folded his arms, seeming defensive. "I didn't have to."

Chihaya couldn't believe she had been the last to find out. "Seriously?!"

He smiled at her expression. "Sorry."

Watching him, she felt that new warmth again. His whole aspect was beginning to change, turning lighter, happier. He didn't grin or jump for joy or anything-she couldn't even imagine Taichi jumping for joy-but some of the strain had left his face, and she realized she was used to seeing him slightly… well, annoyed, maybe, or frustrated. Maybe even sad.

"Ah!" she said, pretending to have had a sudden thought. She wanted to erase all traces of that sadness, whatever the cause had been. "Does this mean I can go into your room unreservedly now?"

He made a strangled sound, seeming suddenly agitated. "It means you absolutely, definitely should not go into my room without reserve! What are you, a guy?"

She laughed, enjoying how flustered she had made him. He was red to the tips of his ears, and she couldn't help grinning at him. Without warning, though, he stepped forward, closing the distance between them once more. He drew her to him, his arms coming up around her shoulders. She felt his breath against the back of her neck.

"You mean it?" he said, and there was a fragile note in his voice. She put her arms around his waist, leaning into him.

"I mean it."

It was a long while before he let go.


End file.
